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MG Midget and Sprite General - Good Friday email scam

I love this one! I think the meerkat has written it given the style.

Good day,

I am so much delighted to inform you of my business proposal.

Well i must tell you that i really appreciate your immediate response, i have been keeping this to myself alone but i want to let you know of my business proposal through this medium which both of us is going to experience a miracle after the successful completion of this transaction for our mutual benefit.

I am a captain with the United Nations troop in afghanistan, on war against terrorism. Based on the United States legislative and executive decision for withdrawing troops in afghanistan, I have been deployed to come and work in your country on military base soonest. Our mission is to help beef up terrorist targeted states, mostly the United States and the European Union on war against terrorism and i will need a estate car for myself & that is why I contacted you.

On the other hand I want to inform you that I have in my possession the sum of (16.2 million USD) Which I got from crude oil deal here in afghanistan. I deposited this money with a Red Cross agent informing him that we are making contact for the real owner of the money. And it is under my power to approve whoever that comes forth for this consignment.

I am a uniformed person and I cannot be parading such an amount, so I need to present someone to stand as the recipient. I am an American and an intelligent officer and for that I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier service. I just need your acceptance and all is done.

Where we are now we can only communicate through our military communication facilities which is secured so nobody can monitor our emails, then I can explain in details to you, I only reach you through email, because our calls might be monitored but have to be sure whom I am dealing with.

I am out of our military network am writing from a fresh email account so if you are not interested do not reply to this email and please delete this message, if there is no response after 3days I will then search for someone else. I wait for your contact details so we can go on. I will give to you 30% of the sum and 70% is for me. I hope I am been fair on this deal, get back to me with your full information:

YOUR FULL NAME
YOUR FULL ADDRESS
YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER

Regards,
Capt.William Hains
afghanistan Military Base,
BAGHDAD
Tarquin

Seems ok to me. Send him your details.
Gary & Gaps

Stupid me, I always thought Bagdad was in Irak and not in Afganistan... you learn every day.


"I am an American and an intelligent officer"

Intelligent?
Not really if you trust a stranger to cherish your 16.2 million...

Matt, cant you atleast help him with "a estate car" for he comes to work on a military base in your country?
Arie de Best

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! He sounds pretty intelligent compared to most americans I have spoken to! ;-)

What does the estate car have to do with anything?!

Dear oh dear!
Malcolm
M Le Chevalier

Estate car = £50 from the scrappy :)

What happened to the Friday joke thread .....????

I saw a good one yesterday, but, since today is Friday, I'll share.

Was speaking to my mate the other day, he's really upset - his mail order bride has ran off with the postman.
rachmacb

My friday joke...

My neighbour came knocking on my door at 3am last night. Luckily I was still up playing my bag pipes.

Almost the weekend! Woo!
Malcolm
M Le Chevalier

The Russians, after extensive archaeological searches found evidence of copper cabling dated about 3000 years ago. Triumphantly, they announced that the first computer network was created over 3000 years ago by the Russians.

Not to be outdone, the US launched an extensive archaeological program, and after much searching found evidence of 5000 year old optical fibre cabling. They then triumphantly announced that the first network could not have been Russian, because on American soil there was already fibre optic networking over 5000 years ago.

The French, in turn, wanted their share of the glory. A large program was launched and after years of searching, going back approximately 10,000 years, nothing of note could be found. Triumphantly they announced that the French had invented the first wireless network over 10,000 years ago.

It was only the invention of alcoholic drinks, many years later, that prevented them from conquering the world

:D
OrangeSpyderMan

Hajaha....those are great

You can almost hear the nieroby / indian accent in the email

Still, why an estate car in a war zone...id want a hummer or an amored personal carrarier
Prop

Nice one OSM.

Tarquin, can you let me have the Capt's email address as I think he would like my Passat estate. I only want a couple of million for it...when it's fixed, that is. Suffered injector failure on the M6 yesterday.

That's a whole other (NMC) thread, though ;o)
Dave O'Neill 2

Read the title of your post Tarq and thought I'd hit a time warp and lost 6 months and it was "Good Friday" already.
Shame Malcom, there are a few of us here that can write a coherent sentence and spell all the words correctly, not all Americans should be judged by our Prop! LOL
B Young

Bill

Spell ALL the words correctly?

How about colour, centre, theatre? ;o)
Dave O'Neill 2

I like the bagpipes one, tickled me that.

My favourite bit "I am a uniformed person and I cannot be parading such an amount". Tell me, who has ever used the verb "to parade" in a sentence, ever!

I cannot be parading about in that scruffy looking midget sire, it would degrade my standing amongst the local whores,

lol!
Tarquin

"Triumphantly they announced that the French had invented the first wireless network over 10,000 years ago."

So Sorry, but the governor of the Great State of
Texas has declared the "theory" of Evolution
to be only a myth. So if we are thrown back
on Creationism, the Earth (THE WORLD) ain't much
older that 4000 years when some old bearded guy
snapped his fingers.

So your 10,000 year figger must be bollocks!!

chuck
chuckc

Tarquin,
I thought at first that you were referring to the "I am a uniformed person and I cannot be parading such an amount" as an indication that he was a bagpiper ;-).

Dave O,
That was a right tricky question. Of course we can spell "colour, centre, theatre" correctly! That would be "color, center, theater". Question for you, can you pronounce them the way Prop would spell them?
David "Google thinks I spelled them all right..." Lieb
David Lieb

shhhh everyone! the rate things are going over here I could be put in prison for inciting racial hatred and trying to start a riot by being mean about americans and bagpipists! ha ha!

Hope you all enjoyed your fridays. I have another pile of new panels! :-)

Cheers
Malcolm
M Le Chevalier

OSM,

Good joke and have seen it before but like all of that sort of joke you have 3 blanks and fill in the countries that you want to make of fun of as you see fit. Last time I saw it it had 3 different countries entirely.

One of my favourites is the Texas chilli contest.

Chili Contest

CHILI CONTEST These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey... "Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Texas and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili cook-off.

Apparently the original Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there when the call came in and was assured by the other two Judges (Native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Texas hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event."

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced.

Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills, that 300 lb bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick.Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me burst into flames. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. An aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestine�s are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: �Ho hum�, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like sh*t to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided too stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it,I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending... this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.
FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

David Billington

ha ha!

I farted and four people behind me burst into flames.

I love it! i've got to try and remember that one.
Tarquin

I farted and four people behind me burst into flames.
I laughed out loud at that bit.
Gary & Gaps

Brilliant one David, I have tears running from laughing!!!
Arie de Best

This thread was discussed between 19/08/2011 and 20/08/2011

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